Day 5: A Sad Shower

I had a bit of a breakdown and cried in the shower. I've been living on pretty much cold or freezing foods for the last 5 days with only a few times of having lukewarm or warm teas and chicken broth and I can't deal with it anymore. I asked Greg to make some miso soup for me, so I have something to chew on and is warm. Good idea, bad idea. But I don't care about the fact that it kinda hurts to swallow the pieces. I really don't. It tastes good, and I took some percocet to help drown the pain away.

You don't realize just how important real food is until you don't have it to keep you healthy. My weight has dropped to 100 pounds. My stomach hates me. My body is revolting (as in fighting me tooth and nail) against all the liquids.


Our friends stopped by today to see us, which made me so happy. I tried to talk some but it did feel uncomfortable. We talked about things going on at Greg's work, how woman had to take friday off because she wasn't feeling well, and how when I can finally have real food we will all go out to dinner somewhere, my choice. I'm stuck between a damn good steak at Longhorn, or a 2 pound lobster from RedLobster.

I will eat the hell out of all my favorite foods and even some of my not so favorites.

I want a goddamned linked sausage. I want a hotdog. I want brussel sprouts and cooked carrots. Buttered green beans, pork chops, I want chicken tikka masala. I want a freakin burrito and a piece of greasy, crunchy, KFC. Oh, and I seriously want some sushi like no ones business.

My good friend / college roomie will drop by tomorrow to spend time with me and bring some delicious eggdrop soup.

I am in the minority of people with an extremely high metabolism who have spent years trying to gain weight, so losing this weight is very depressing for me. I can't wait to get back to a better eating schedule again, maybe I'll finally make my goal of 115-120.